First things first, what is emotional intelligence? Many people are confused & they often look at it as a mental state or one’s IQ etc. Psychology today states that, “Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others. It is generally said to include 3 skills: Emotional awareness, including the ability to identify your own emotions and those of others; The ability to harness emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking and problems solving; The ability to manage emotions, including the ability to regulate your own emotions, and the ability to cheer up or calm down another person.” Basically, when we are able to manage our emotions and help others manage their emotions and put them to a productive use, we can call ourselves emotionally intelligent or to have a high emotional quotient. Michael Beldoch first coined the term in 1964 but it came into limelight only around 1995 with the book named Emotional Intelligence.
A person with higher emotional intelligence would always be a people’s person, loved, welcomed and looked up to in the society. This is not to say a flamboyant person is high on emotional quotient. This means that someone who will be able to manage everyone around him/her without being talkative or attention seeking too, can be an emotionally intelligent. A mixture of empathy, emotions and intelligence, such people know how to tackle interpersonal dynamics as well as the thought process of others when it they are put in any situation. Let us look at some signs to identify if you are born with a high EQ (emotional quotient) or not:
Signs of Emotional Intelligent Person
- The right words
We have people struggling at every level of their lives and all they really seek is support in terms of kindness and politeness. If you come across someone who knows exactly what to say in a situation where others would be at a loss of words, you know you have spotted a person with high EQ. Usually people are aware of certain words to describe their or others emotions, for example: If one is happy, they will just use words like joy, happiness etc. but a high EQ person would use terms like enjoyment, proud, successful, top of the world, perfection, I love myself, etc. There words are a way for them to tap into the correct name for specific emotions, which further enhances the feeling. We might just not know a name for a specific emotion and tag it as good or bad, which leads to misunderstanding of emotions, conflicts and irrational choices
2. The art of listening
Have you heard of the phrase, “We listen to react not to respond” There is a vital difference between the two terms: react and respond. While one stems from aggression the other stems from compassion. Emotionally intelligent people will always be good listeners and motivators. If you have a friend who is known to be a good listener, will not judge you and also encourage you at the same time, chances are he/she is high on EQ. With the power of the right words and the patience to listen, these people come across as angels to everyone around them.
3. Sorted in themselves
Yes, these people are the most sorted individuals. They know about their past, they completely acknowledge it and have put it down with peace. They know that there is nothing that can be done about it and they need to let it go. The main problem we often face is, our inability to let go off things that are not working for us because we have a special attachment to them, but high EQ-ed people would have many closed chapters with total ease. Also, they know there is no reason to worry about the future because it is out of their control. They believe in living in the present, as this is all that there is to life. And why not? This is a great attitude, to be right here, right now.
4. Look and tell
One of the greatest signs of an emotionally intelligent individual is that during a conversation they can look at other people and tell what they are thinking and what they are feeling. Yes and this is not a clairvoyant technique, all you have to do is be in tune with your emotional state and a high EQ-ed person is well in control of his/her emotions. They do not confuse disgust with embarrassment, shyness with impoliteness or happiness with flirtatiousness. When we know what the other person is going through or feeling, we know what to say to make it right and that is one of the traits of high emotionally intelligent person.
5. Let it go
Someone who knows how the emotions work and understand that they might be uncontrollable sometimes would never make it a point to make a mountain out of a molehill. Such people overlook mistakes and let it go. You can say that they are more emotionally rational and know when to alienate themselves as well others from a wrong act. Unlike others, holding grudges is not something a high EQ-ed person is good at. He/she knows when to hold on to the emotions and when it times to let go off them and start with a new page. Small mistakes of people around them are a negligible affair & they do not even bring it up.
6. Positively motivate
Yet another sign of emotional stable people is, they are self-motivated without a cause and they do not need to be reminded that they should be high on life. The self-negating thoughts creep in everyone’s mind, but they know that these are all unnecessary voices and they can alienate the facts from emotions. Their ability to differentiate between their achievements and snarling remarks of people around them, makes them a winner in their life without a doubt. People will always have something to say about other’s achievements or things they do, but a true winner is someone who overlooks such remarks and tune such people out of their lives.
7. Take care
Lastly, these people value life more than anything else and considers it as a gift, therefore they never deprive themselves of sleep and are usually regular on exercising or yoga or meditation. Sleep is an integral part of rejuvenation process and unlike others, they do not take this activity for granted. When we eat and sleep properly our body functions with ease without brain fog, mental confusion, low energy or lack of attention towards everyday tasks. Therefore, such people associate with a healthier life patterns and love to take it easy.
After reading this article, if you find yourself or anyone else close enough to have these traits you know who you are dealing with. If you are a high EQ-ed person congratulations but if you are blessed with such people, this is even better. Good company begets a good attitude and if you are in good hands, chances are you will develop these skills too.