Relationships are both nurturing and dear to our heart. The warmth of a relationship can keep us cozy for a lifetime, whereas a broken, abused or dead relationship can break & torment us. Mentally scarring, a broken bond of love brings with itself, self-defeating thoughts, negation, moral degradation and stress. With the world shifting towards a transformation, the social ills are at its peak. This increases our vulnerability towards a failed relationship. Betrayal, treachery, greed, desires all these evil emotions have blurred the line of right and wrong and is tempting us to a farther, morose end. We all have been through a broken or unworthy relationship. What do we do when faced with such a situation?
The dynamics of a failed relationship is not limited to two lovers, it could be a failed friendship, loss of a loved one, betrayal from a business partner, unavailability of a relative or lack of love from parents. To recover from the dire consequences of an unsuccessful affair of the heart, one needs strength, time and most importantly the will to come out of the trauma. Of all the different kinds of people I have met over the course of time, I have seen love and compassion, but over all this, I met greed, betrayal, treachery, dishonesty and fake attitude. May be with my healing work I have overcome some ills, which does not cease to show up, but what I still find myself struggling with is dishonesty and lie. It could be because I have faced it a bit too much in my life or maybe my past samskaras does not allow lies, I don’t know. Recently a close relative passed away, the hole it left in our hearts can’t be filled but with time and mental strength we hope to overcome this loss. I have tried to compile a few of the lessons I learnt from what I have faced, hope it will help you as well:
How to heal from a broken relationship:
1. Accept the pain
Growing up in a conservative setup, I watched my parents keep their pain & trauma inside and not reflect on it. Most of my friends and family have dealt with a failed relationship by negating their feelings & keeping a nonchalant attitude about any broken relationship. We would invest ourselves by working more, drinking or filling it someone else’s presence. But the only way to overcome a scarred past is to accept how important it was to us once. Allow yourself to grieve over a situation that did not turn out the expected way. Time is the biggest healer and no one can overcome their past by keeping it inside them. Our emotions need to be felt and vented out, otherwise they will take the form of a disease. Catharsis is the only way and to cathart you need to vent it out and to vent it out, you would need to accept the pain. There are no shortcuts here.
2. Don’t be hard on yourself
I have cried on the go while driving, I have cried in the metro full of people, I have done a lot of things that would fall under the jurisdiction of embarrassing, but one thing I can’t do is to stop feeling something and put a lid on it. It is unfair to be so hard on yourself when you are already undergoing stress and tension. Feeling guilty is also not the solution. If you did something wrong that was unfair to the other person and the relationship went sour because of it, it’s okay. To err is human. Making things hard for our self or staying stuck in time, is not the solution to any problem. Forgive yourself. It might be easier said than done, but pain never did much good to anybody.
3. Karmic ties
‘Why me?’, ‘What did I do to earn this?’, ‘Do I deserve this?’ thoughts like these are common to people suffering an emotional trauma or a relationship loss. Till I was unaware of the real reason, I questioned myself why this happened to me. I have even goggled ‘why’ in the hope of finding an answer to the burning pain I felt in my heart. But the real reason lies in the fact that there was some Karma that needed to be balanced. As unreasonable this may sound, this is indeed true. We are all tied to the people we meet in our lives with karmic debts. Once we die, our soul rests and we enter the process called life between life. Here we plan our entire forthcoming life with our soul group and give duties to various people to come and teach us lessons in the coming life, which will help us balance our karma. Yes! This is true. Some people are karmic teachers and they come in our lives to teach us lessons because we asked them to do so. You are in charge of your entire life.
4. Release them all
As we discussed earlier, the procedure of Catharsis is a pre-requisite for anyone to completely overcome any pain, stress or discomfort. Apart from releasing the emotions by discussing with a friend or a relative or even crying, you can make peace within yourself by practicing mindfulness. Meditation can balance your mind and fix your mental health. As it is said that all the answers lie within ourselves, with meditation you can expect to overcome it all. But if at hand that is not possible, you can practice a form of any physical activity that will release your anger or frustration. Running, yoga, gyming, dancing, pilates, kick boxing, there are so many activities out there you can heal yourself with.
Apart from all this, one thing that will do the work is ‘time’. That is the only way we can expect to overcome any misfortune or ill happening. Instead of lamenting a loss of a failed or broken relationship we should aim to work towards soul fulfillment. Our present situations are weaved to keep us in the illusions of Maya, the reality is far beyond and above of grief, loss and distress.