There is nothing wrong in getting angry provided we channelize this intense form of energy to productive use. When you are angry then you are total and there is less split personality and fragmentation inside you. So in a way anger has some good qualities also like it brings totality in you and you get a chance to express yourself fully without any inhibition.
But the bad part of anger is that you lose your senses. You lose your faculty of discrimination and can end up making mistakes. Its always better to be master of your emotions and in charge of the situation. Never allow your emotions to color your judgement and make fool of you in any situation.
Thats the basic difference between a buddha (conscious person) and a buddhu (unconscious person). Even a buddha gets angry or feel sad or frustrated but he does not get identify with these emotions. He remains a watcher of these emotions and uses his awareness and intelligence to make the right decision in the moment. Whereas the common person gets identify with his emotions and start experiencing them and he acts as a slave to his emotions. In a moment of anger he is angry, in a moment of desire he becomes greedy. There is no separation between the emotion and the watcher inside him. On the other hand, Buddha sees every emotion without any passion or attachment and remains a passive watcher.
So if you can watch any emotion without getting identified then you can transform their energy like anger to compassion, lust to love and so on. Moreover it will create more stillness, silence and wisdom inside you. But we are far from our buddhahood. So what should a normal person can do to tackle anger in real life situations?
How to deal with anger in real life situations:
Broadly speaking anger can be because of two reasons. You are either angry at yourself or at the others. Lets discuss both cases in detail.
1. You are angry at others
When you are angry at others then its like you are wasting your precious energy and time on others. Because you cannot change people. The only person you can change is yourself. So personally its futile to argue or try to change other people. If there is a need then tell them politely the right way of doing things without expecting that they will listen to you and will change their ways. Let them have the freedom to change their ways or they will learn one day when karma will teach them in its own way.
So as far as other people or situation is concerned then accepting the fact that you are angry and can do nothing about it, could be the best strategy. e.g. if you are mistreated or cheated by a powerful person then fighting with him can cause you harm at many levels. You cannot fight with a body builder or a politician or with a criminal. Even if you have the means to fight, then is it worth your time and energy?
As a spiritual person you should try to deepen your sadhana. So instead of fighting with them, see through the anger. Let the anger be there but you should also be present as a watcher of it. Watch the anger and as your watchfulness will grow, the anger will subside and will give you lot of insights into the matter and about yourself. Apart from anger also watch the emotions coming inside your mind. Like how can this person behaves like that with me? Basically watch everything and this will bring a subtle transformation inside you.
On the other hand if you choose to express anger then the outcome is not certain. May be you end up in a fight. May be you end up hurting the other person emotionally or may be you end up spoiling your whole day. Before expressing anger first be sure that you are right because many times both the parties are right and have valid points. So put yourself into other person shoes and feel the situation from their angle. Try to understand the situation from their view point and you will get some more insights.
Always give yourself time and space to see the situation wisely and that can only happen when you are centered, peaceful and relaxed. So don’t be in a hurry to come to conclusions. Wait for your anger to subside and then apply your head to come to any conclusion.
The last option for expressing anger should be on things and not on people. Beat your pillow or do some hard physical work like cycling, jogging, running, working in garden etc so that your anger energy gets dissipated quickly. Basically any emotion is a form of energy and you have to use it wisely or channelize it positively for your good. Whatever is your decision about dealing with anger, make sure that it helps you and the person around you. Its fine to scold someone if its helps him or if its for the good of the other person. Like parents scold their children for their good. So the intention behind your anger matters a lot. Don’t get angry and start expressing it blindly or unconsciously. Have self-restraint and control over yourself.
2. You are angry at yourself
You could be angry at yourself for various reason like you trusted someone and the other person betrayed you or you failed to listen to your inner voice or you failed to achieve your target. When you are feeling angry at yourself then certainly you can do something about it and use this anger energy constructively.
First of all sit silently in a place, where you can think clearly and watch your anger. In many cases you will realize that anger is valid and you need to learn from the situation. Its not good to suppress any emotion. If there is a fit of anger then there must be some reason behind it. Try to understand it and learn from it. Most people miss this chance by throwing their anger on things or on other people. Don’t do that as you are just earning bad karmas. Instead go deep in your anger and try to understand the root cause of it. Learn from it and try that you don’t repeat that mistake. Always try to transform yourself.
In the end, i must mention that sometimes it happens that things are not in your hand and you feel cheated or betrayed very strongly and no solution works then the last option is to accept the anger. Let it be there. Time is the best healer for such cases. Try to get involve in some work and don’t think much about the same situation as it will just increase the anger. Instead change the place and your thought process. It will help you to forget the matter.