yesterday i watched aamir khan’s ‘satyamev jayate’
episode on ‘marriage and dowry’ on the internet
as my house has no place for idiotic chatterbox television !!!
i am bit disappointed about the solution
which aamir khan presented for the issue of dowry
he had almost hit the bulls eye with blindfolded eyes
otherwise how can he miss the solution to which he came quite close ???
any ways, aamir will always be my hero for making movies related to social issues
there are few people responsible for dowry
first and foremost are parents
second is society
and most important is the girl itself
let me elaborate it deeply and clearly for you
as all of ours life is related to it
many of you will find this post not exciting and will not read it fully
but if you respect yourself then you will read the post fully
and will contemplate over it
and will definitely take some action over it
otherwise also, if you say, i don’t respect myself
then for a change, just respect yourself for next 5 minutes and read this post
and take some concrete action
now it looks like, i am scared that you will not read this post
and i am blackmailing you and pinching your conscious to read the post
yes i am blackmailing you
but why are you taking this blackmail ???
and if i have managed to blackmail you successfully (which i have till this line)
then we both are responsible for this blackmail episode
right or wrong???
both parties are culprit and are equally responsible
similarly, in case of dowry
the person who is giving dowry is also responsible
as the person who is asking dowry
in my eyes, the family who is giving dowry is more responsible
as they are sending their daughters to the house of greedy people
who value money more than their daughter
if someone asks dowry then it is a clear signal
that this family is not the right place for your daughter
its better if the girl stays unmarried than being tortured in such greedy family
now in case of dowry, from where does the suppression of the girl starts
who are the first people who suppress the girl ???
the parents of the girl…
from the very childhood they start grooming their baby girl as a future wife
who is going to take care of her husband, in-laws and their house
from the very beginning, they are making the girl weak
and telling her that you are helpless and your husband’s house is your whole world
and this wrong conditioning given by the parents becomes a deciding factor
how the girl is going to respond to the torture and inhuman behavior of the in-laws
in the episode, it is clearly shown that despite giving dowry
the girl is getting tortured again and again for more money
so giving dowry is not the solution
but giving strength, education and self respect to the girl is the solution
if the girl is intelligent then no body can take her for granted
the issue is that we don’t allow the intelligence of girls to flower
we suppress their voice, their freedom, their rights and their whole life
in the episode there was a girl who refused to get married to the person
who was asking for dowry
now this girl has taken a stand… why???
because she believes in herself and is courageous
parents should be friends to their children and should be a catalyst
in bringing out the best in them
instead of discouraging they should encourage their talent and creativity
and teach them ‘not to take crap and bullshit’ from any one
mind it, only a weak and helpless girl can be tortured and suppressed
but who are the one who make the girl weak… the upbringing of the family
now this weak girl is an easy prey to the greedy inlaws
can any one dare to fool around with a girl who does not take nonsense ???
like attracts like…
if your girl is smart… she will definitely get a smart partner
as she will keep saying ‘NO’ for stupid matchmaking offers
normally, we don’t allow the intelligence of girl to grow and make them dumb
thats why they end up getting married to a dumb guy
now how can parents give courage to their daughters
if they are not courageous themselves?
tomorrow you might also become a father
do you want to end up seeing your daughter beaten up in her in-laws house
if not… then be courageous in each and every act of your life
don’t take crap and stand up for your rights
instead of watching stupid movies, entertaining gossips, nonsense activities
do something constructive and creative in your life
mind it… whatever nonsense you do with your time
the same nonsense multiplied by million times
you will be sharing with your children in your life time
for god’s sake, grow up
and allow your children to grow naturally also
as a matter of fact, most of the time
children are more intelligent than most of the parents
what a pity!!!
now lets take the society’s cooperation in dowry issue
suppose a girl takes the stand against her in-laws
and comes back to her parent’s house
then it becomes a social stigma for the girl’s family
in an intelligent society, it should be the other way round
if the daughter in-law leaves the husband’s house and goes back to her parent’s home
then the society should question the husband and in-laws and not the girl’s family
it should be a stigma to the husband’s family
they are the one who should do more sacrifice to adjust with the girl
as the girl has already done much sacrifice by leaving her family, home and friends
in this regard the society in north east states of india
is much more fair and intelligent
in the north east states, the cost of marriage, clothes and jewellery
are taken care by the groom’s family
already, the bride’s family has spend so much
on the education and upbringing of the girl
now its natural to expect from the groom’s side
to take care of the marriage ceremony expenses
now this marriage ceremony expenses is the most stupid expense in the world
i don’t find any parallel to such waste of money and height of nonsense
in one day, they will waste lakhs of rupees
and it takes them years to save that much money
ridiculous !!!
for my marriage the most expensive item was the pundit’s fee that was rupees 3100
and the marriage ceremony was done in the presence of 6 people including the pundit
i don’t mind if we call people who are really our friends and well wishers
its alright to call them and give feast to them and take their blessings
but calling the whole city is simply childish
thats why i said earlier also, most people need to grow up
they are still children in terms of psychological age
at the same time,
to have lavish marriage ceremony can be affordable for rich families
as they have enough reserve cash
and they need to show off as well as they want to make it a special day
but for middle class families,
my suggestion is not to waste all your savings
to make only one day as the special day
instead go for a simple marriage ceremony and make each day of your life special
by using the saved money wisely
and rich families can be little more compassionate
and do some charity along with the lavish marriage ceremony
expensive marriage ceremonies can only be afforded by rich families
simple marriage ceremonies suits middle class families on a longer run
now a question to helpless parents whose daughter is getting harassed
i sympathize with this painful situation
but as a matter of fact, you have to ultimately decide
are you going to allow the torture of your princess
or you will bring her back to your safe home ???
now one of you has to suffer
if the girl stays in the barbaric in-laws house
then she suffers and has to face continuous torture
and as she is getting tortured, you cannot also stay in peace
but if she takes a stand and come back to your house
then you as the parents have to face the pressure and questions of society
now which is the lesser evil?
i suggest the parents to take the stand
and bring back the daughter to their home and face the stupid society
and support your daughter wherever she is right
and ignore the society…
in fact this is the time when you will come to know who are your real friends
and it will set a trend in the society and can trigger a change
in fact, my suggestion is to make a big noise
call all your friends, relatives and in-laws relatives
and tell them boldly and clearly
that my daughter is getting tortured in this bloody house
and i am taking her to my home
be careful of this greedy people
its even wise to inform the general public via newspaper
and you should personally inform the office staff
where the son in-law or any other culprit
involved in the dowry harassment is working
and if this becomes a trend
then every husband will think twice before beating his wife
mind it, it is your turn to balance the karma
and give something back to the husband’s family
the dowry issue is so prevalent because no one takes a strong stand
you have to give it back to the oppressor…
no need to be nice or kind to the oppressor
be kind to your daughter and to yourself
so what is the solution
from the very beginning we bring up our daughters
with the idea that they are weak and helpless
and their husband are their support and lifeline
NO… absolutely wrong
the girl is not weak…
but by feeding this idea in the girl you are making her weak
according to me, you yourself are a weak person
actually, you were not matured enough to become a parent
if you cannot give strength to your daughter
please bring up your girl with a belief in herself
that she is enough unto herself
help her to become financially independent
and if you are able to give an intelligent upbringing to your girl
then you will not face dowry issues
as your intelligent daughter will know how to handle the situation herself
as she is an independent woman with self respect
the idea is let the natural intelligence of girls to flower
don’t make them weak
give them good education, encourage them
give them strength
and then see who can bully them
so it is the parents who are responsible for dowry
because they bring up their daughters in a wrong way
because from day one when the daughter is born
they start saving money for marriage… stupidity
their trust is more on the dowry than on the intelligence of the girl
how can they trust intelligence if they themselves are not intelligent
thats why i say the most important thing in life is to grow intelligence
and the best gift you can give to your children is to share your intelligence
women are more responsible for dowry than men
for centuries, we see female as the weaker sex
and this is entirely a wrong idea
except physical strength, women are superior to men in every dimension
like emotional strength, patience, love, capacity to bear pain and so on
but this wrong idea has unfortunately persisted in our society for centuries
and when a girl child is born
many times even the mother is not so joyous herself
it is because of the wrong conditioning about women for centuries
so my suggestion is that every woman should love their womanhood
they should respect themselves and accept themselves totally
and then only they will not differentiate between a baby girl or a baby boy
for a mother the sex of the child should not matter as she is a mother
a temple of love, compassion and an image of god for the child
if women respect themselves
then the same respect and strength they will be giving to their daughters
they will not make them weak
and they will also not harass their daughters in-law for dowry
there are three women who are deeply related to dowry problem
first – the mother who does not gives respect, love and strength to her daughter
bride – she should take a stand against oppression and live with respect and dignity
mother in-law – she has the biggest share in dowry issue…
out of these three, if at least one women is strong and intelligent then dowry problem will not occur
role of spiritual gurus, celebrities and you all
society cannot change suddenly
we are facing the dowry issue for centuries
if everyone does their share and make a strong objection to dowry
then there is some hope
major spiritual gurus of india,
should ask their disciples to stop taking or giving dowry
bollywood celebrities should also spread awareness
and we should have more movies which carry social messages
like ’3 idiots’, ‘tare zameen par’
as of now, we all are responsible for this evil by remaining silent
we are contributing as a silent watcher
and mind it, sooner or later we will also be caught in this evil whirlpool
if not directly then indirectly
it could be your daughter, sister, niece, friend or you yourself
take a stand…. spread the message
in the end i would repeat for dumb people
if you are not intelligent
then for gods sake don’t give birth to a child
if you have become a parent by now,
then please don’t share your stupidity with your children
give them a fair chance to decide them about their life
let them find their own answers
and don’t give your ridiculous answers to their innocent questions
simply say “i don’t know… as i am not intelligent enough”
dowry is not solution
but the beginning of the problem
intelligence is the solution and is always the solution to every problem
so make your girl intelligent, give her confidence, give her strength
accept and love your girl child totally as you do with your boy child
don’t differentiate between the sexes
and give the best education and care to the girl child
don’t take crap from any one
don’t entertain any blackmail
don’t compromise… because it has no end…
and don’t tell your daughter on the marriage day
that now your dead body will come back from your husband house
and thats what precisely happens many times because of dowry torture
instead tell your daughter…
don’t take any torture from your husband’s family
stand for your right and you can come back any time…