jealousy is one emotion which have troubled all of us at one time or other. we all know it is not good to be jealous as it does not help anybody and can seriously damage the relationship. but once the emotion of jealousy starts overpowering us then its difficult to stop it. jealousy is one of the sure shot way to hurt ourself and to undermine ourself in our own eyes.
the main cause of jealousy is comparison and unconsciousness. as long as we compare ourself with others, jealousy will exist. from childhood the seeds of comparison are sown in our mind. we need to stop teaching comparison to our children. we always tell them that the other guy has come first and you have come second or third. this way from childhood we conditioned them to compare and compete with each other. lets not make them ambitious. instead give them the space so that they can find what they love doing and what is their inner calling. this way they will be more creative and will reach to their true potential.
how jealousy works:
1. in jealousy other becomes important
when you are jealous of someone then other person becomes the center of your life. what he does or achive in life becomes more important than what you have. you start comparing your life situation with that person. the other person becomes the deciding factor of your success or failure which is really sad. so to stop jealousy, you will have to stop comparison. everyone is unique and our situations and karmas are different. so don’t compare with others. because there is no one like you in this world. respect your uniqueness, individuality and thus always give due respect to yourself and to others.
2. you compare only with people at your level
the curious thing with jealousy is that it is not much bothered with people who are not related with you. e.g. you will never be jealous of someone who is not related with you or with whom you have never interacted at personal level. but comparison is with someone who is at par with you or has studied with you or has worked with you can make you really jealous. because you can compare yourself with them. so if someone whom you are related suddenly becomes rich then you will feel jealous but you won’t be jealous of the success of steve jobs or bill gates or mark zuckerberg.
3. your lose discrimination and jealousy makes your situation more worse
in jealousy you lose discrimination to deal with the situation wisely. e.g. you are not so much troubled with the fact that you are standing in sun. but you are more troubled with the fact that the other person is standing in shade. so basically jealousy does not improve your situation and instead it makes it more worse. the wise thing to do is to spend energy in improving your situation. jealousy is just a waste of energy and time and it just makes your situation more bad than what it is.
how to deal with jealousy:
1. stop the comparison
jealousy will exist as long as you are going to compare yourself with others and specially with your fellow travellers in life. drop the competition and comparison and free yourself from jealousy.
2. be a individual
the only way to drop comparison is to be yourself. be a individual. no need to imitate or do what others are doing. find your purpose in life and pursue it. find something which gives meaning to your life or make your blissful. be creative in life rather than ambitious. ambition is always in respect of others. do something which makes you centered from within or give you inner peace or make you more whole or a individual.
3. be more conscious of your emotions
all these emotions like jealousy, anger, possessiveness, hatred can exist as long as we are unconsciousness. when we become more conscious then these emotions start decreasing in same proportion. so for a meditator best solution is to raise his consciousness. when jealousy troubles him then he can witness it instead of suppressing it. witnessing is the antidote of all negative emotions. only inner light can remove the darkness which has engulfed our soul.
4. don’t give too much important to jealousy
instead focus your energy in becoming more loving, creative or meditative. do something which is constructive. because the more you think about jealousy, the more it will grow. never give too much energy to negative emotions. be more positive and more creative.
jealousy cannot trouble someone who is rich from within or who has found his inner calling. jealousy is not the main issue. the main issue is to find what your soul wants to achieve in this life time. once you find that then give your 100 percent to it. be true to yourself. forget the society, forget the comparison. remember your soul purpose in this life and try to achieve it. because only that will give your inner satisfaction, peace and joy. when you are jealous then you are living on periphery. when you are true to your inner calling then you are moving towards your center.